Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
