My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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