You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize