This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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