i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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