Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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