You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
