I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
