I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
