he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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