This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
