i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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