just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I stole a fireplace last night.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
