u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Randomize
