Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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