Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
