At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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