Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
