y did u give ur computer a hand job?
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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