Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
