does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Randomize
