So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
