If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
