I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
