I bet he comes in French.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I don't deserve a penis
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
