3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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