How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
