maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize