No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
