i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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