remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
we're making bets on your personal life
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
