I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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