I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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