I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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