...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
