My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
