i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Randomize
