Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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