Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
