I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I am one with the molecules
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
