I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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