I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
