Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
