You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
