I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
