Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
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