i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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