I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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