Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
