I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize
