Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
The struggles of a small town man whore
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
