Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Randomize
