I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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