glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Randomize
