Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
