I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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