My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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