we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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