Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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