Apparently you make a good broom.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
