Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
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