I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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