just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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