we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I will pee on everything he values.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
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