So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
