i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
