just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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