mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
