I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
