i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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