we have officially lost it.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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