I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
