yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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