This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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