I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Shitshow foam night was such a success
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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