sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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