He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize