I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
