haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
