Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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