That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
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