yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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