he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
