Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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