According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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