babies were throwing up all over the place
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Send help, water and tortillas.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
