Quick, to the slutcave!
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
