I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
