Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
