i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
