Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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