I heard we made out
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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