It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Randomize
