farters have to be the big spoon...
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
