dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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