He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
