remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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