I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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