I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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