I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
