So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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