K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize