they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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