smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
