Actions speak louder than pants.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
