i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
