when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
