based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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